[BUD]

Rules for entering Texas
Know them and learn them.

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

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2. Let's get this straight, it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

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3. There are goats, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

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4. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks a year.

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5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.

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6. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi," too. We got over it.

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7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

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8. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

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9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

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10. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you jack-slapped, by our women.

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11. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.

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12. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare.Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

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13. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices-salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce.

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14. You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served over ice, and plenty of it!You bring "Hooch" into my house it better have 4 legs, a tail, and have a nose for quail,dove, duck, or pheasant. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

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15. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, some lemon,and a long spoon.

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16. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and adang site more fun to watch.

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17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards- it spooks the fish.

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18. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education and a lovefor God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

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19. We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so,"Don't Mess With Texas". If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!

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20. Our military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man, woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA Certified Shooter Education Course.

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21. Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas